Seven. That’s the average number of attempts domestic violence victims make to leave their abusers before they succeed.
It’s easy for those on the outside to say they’d never tolerate abuse from a partner, but in reality, most victims remain in violent situations much longer than they could have ever anticipated.
Having spent 17 years working in family law before becoming Legal Aid Society’s executive director, domestic violence is an issue close to my heart. As we observe Domestic Violence Awareness Month throughout October, it’s important to understand the complexity of domestic violence situations and the role that poverty plays in keeping victims trapped — particularly here in Tennessee, where our poverty rate is the 12th highest in the nation.
Statistically, women are much more often the victims of domestic violence than men; at Legal Aid Society, we frequently assist wives who’ve spent their lives raising kids and haven’t built careers outside of the home. Power and control are at the heart of domestic abuse, and abusers often create a power imbalance by taking control of the family finances, preventing their victims from accumulating the money needed to leave.
Another tactic of abusers is punishing their victims by way of the legal system, filing frivolous lawsuits that require time and money to respond to, putting victims’ employment at risk. Even the prospect of receiving spousal or child support from a former partner often requires an expensive, time-consuming court battle as monthly bills continue to pile up.
Domestic violence situations are all-consuming. When victims want to leave but don’t have the resources to be self-sufficient, they often sink into limbo — working and paying bills while enduring continued abuse. This increasingly isolates them from family and friends who want to help, but eventually run out of patience.
The sad fact is that the level of assistance for domestic violence victims is woefully imbalanced to the actual need. At Legal Aid Society, we work to maximize our effectiveness by offering wraparound services with agencies like the YWCA, the Office of Family Safety and the Mary Parrish Center, all of which specialize in different issues related to domestic violence.
Our attorneys advocate on clients’ behalf as they navigate legal proceedings, which sometimes get nuanced and messy because clients aren’t perfect. Sometimes a previous legal charge, no matter how minor, can make it harder for domestic violence victims to get a protective order that keeps them safe from an abuser.
When we receive calls from prospective clients about a particular issue, be it domestic violence or something else, we’re aware that problems don't happen in isolation. We try to peel back the layers of the onion and get to the heart of clients’ issues so that they don’t end up back in the same situation.
A person who calls us for bankruptcy assistance, for example, might need help because an abusive partner is in charge of the family finances. Getting a protective order can help set a victim on firmer footing as they regain the ability to manage their own money. We work to gradually remove legal barriers one by one, allowing clients to move forward with a much greater chance of success.
Leaving a violent relationship can be the most dangerous time for survivors. According to research cited by the U.S. Department of Justice, about 55% of women killed by intimate partners had left or tried to leave their abuser at least once in the year before their death. This makes careful planning essential. When clients are preparing to exit a violent relationship, we help them plan ahead so they can leave quickly and safely — finding a place to hide car keys and a change of clothes, arranging for a friend to receive them and provide shelter, and making a list of important documents to grab.
Amid the challenges of our current social climate, we’ll continue making our best efforts to serve domestic violence victims, partly by leveraging the generosity of our pro bono volunteers from the legal community. We’ll also continue to expand our library of self-help materials that enable victims to seek legal solutions independently.
If you’re in a domestic violence situation, or know someone who is, call Legal Aid Society at 1-800-238-1443 or visit las.org to learn how we can help.
DarKenya W. Waller is executive director of Legal Aid Society of Middle Tennessee and the Cumberlands, which provides free legal services to qualifying low-income individuals in 48 counties across Middle Tennessee.
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