Vinson: iPhone takes the cake

By MIKE VINSON

We all have heard, or voiced, the old adage, "Well, now, that takes the cake!" Though used metaphorically "taking the cake" means: Someone says or does something so outrageous--way out there--that it leaves those listening/watching shaking their heads in a state of bewilderment and disbelief.

The common wisdom behind the origin of "takes the cake" goes back decades. In the year 2015, where a majority of the population occupies their leisure time incessantly texting, tweeting, and talking on high-tech iPhones, folks back then, 1940s-1960s, would go to social gatherings--held at churches, community centers, etc.--and participate in some kind of kosher game/contest ("cakewalk," for example). The prize awarded the winner was a cake, thus the phrase "taking the cake."

Indeed, I am an advocate for advancements in technology. However, given the near-radical technological advancements made with each tick of the clock, I also harbor the fear that, if not careful, man-kind will high-tech himself out of existence.

When I first heard what I'm about to share with you, I didn't believe it. "No way!" I exclaimed to the fellow who told me this story. However, after some research, and hearing about it on reputable news sources, I'll be dang if it's not a fact.

Matt Bonner, an 11-year veteran in the National Basketball Association/NBA, currently is a member of the San Antonio Spurs. Bonner is known for his long-range shooting ability. For the 2014-2015 season "Bonner shot 36.5 percent from the long range," which is one of his lowest marks in his 11-year NBA career." Using basketball language, fellow players, opponents, and sports analysts said Bonner's "shot was off."

Of course, this resulted in the question, "Why?"

Now, brace yourself, for I am about to reveal to you Matt Bonner's reason for his long-range shot being off during the 2014-2015 season.
A couple weeks back, Bonner told the told the "Concord Monitor" he had tennis elbow in his non-shooting arm, which he blames on the size of the latest model of iPhone6.

Stated Bonner: "Everybody is going to find this hilarious, but here's my theory on how I got it [tennis elbow]," Bonner told the New Hampshire newspaper. "When the new iPhone came out it was way bigger than the last one, and I think because I got that new phone it was a strain to use it, you have to stretch farther to hit the buttons, and I honestly think that's how I ended up developing it."

What next, Bonner spends so much time on his new iPhone that it alters his eyesight and throws off his long-range shot even more? Still, maybe Bonner listens to too many iTunes, via his iPhone, and his hearing capacity is damaged . . . he doesn't hear Spurs all-star guard Tony Parker hollering to Bonner that he/Parker is about to toss a quick pass to Bonner during a fast break in a championship game?!
The Spurs loose the NBA championship, and Matt Bonner's new iPhone is to blame! Spurs' owners and associate attorneys file a lawsuit against the iPhone's corporate office.

Admittedly, the above scenario is a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, let's face facts: Given the "anything goes" dynamics that define our neurotic society, such a scenario is not completely out of the question.

I do, though, agree with Matt Bonner on one thing he said: "Everybody is going to find this hilarious. . . ." Well, I certainly found Matt Bonner blaming his poor long-range shooting on his new iPhone to be "hilarious."

Regarding something so absurd that I shook my head in disbelief, this one definitely "takes the cake"!