Vinson: America headed down the toilet
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BY MIKE VINSON

After an exhaustive climb, just as I was about to emerge from the Lower 40 onto higher ground, I was pulled back down into that abysmally interesting locale by two men affably known as John Boy & Billy.

About John Boy & Billy: John Isley and Billy James, known as John Boy & Billy, are American radio hosts based in Charlotte, North Carolina. Their extremely popular comedic morning program "The John Boy & Billy Big Show" broadcasts from 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. Eastern Time in several Southern and Midwestern states via syndication, airing mostly on classic rock and country stations. (NOTE: In the Middle Tennessee area, the "John Boy & Billy Big Show" can be heard on station FM 105.9.)

"The John Boy & Billy Big Show" is quite diversified, which, in my opinion, is why it is so successful. In addition to playing classic rock 'n' roll John Boy and Billy interview and conduct live interviews with NASCAR Drivers, comedians, professional wrestlers, and other walks of life. (Though I didn't hear it, John Boy & Billy supposedly interviewed Phillipine boxing legend Manny Pacquiao.) Still, "The John Boy & Billy Big Show" do their own comedy skits, with cast members taking on an eclectic mix of funny personas. Then they nicely top it off with music, interviews, and comedy routines with some words of wisdom from octogenarian-curmudgeon Robert D. Raiford.

Actually, as this particular story goes, I was driving the other morning and listening on the radio to "The John Boy & Billy Big Show," digging on some classic rock tunes, you know, to kick-start my day. Well, this one comedic persona commenced talking about a "smart toilet," and what all it could do to improve your life. What-on-earth! I thought. As written, I've had it up-to-here with smartphones...and now "smart toilets"?

Obviously, this one was way too good to let go; thus, I conducted some research. So, hold on, readers, as we spiral yet once again down into the Lower 40!
Now available on the U.S. market is: Lotus Luxury Smart Toilet Bidet Seat ATS-1000 with Purestream function (constipation relief) - Elongated/White (reference: www.amazon.com/Lotus-ATS-1000-Purestream-function-constipation/dp/B008BVT2XG)
But wait until you find out just what this "smart toilet" can do to improve your existence! As listed under the above Amazon link/website:
Price: $799.00 & FREE Shipping; In Stock.
Ships from and sold by OCProducts.
Estimated Delivery Date: Aug. 19 - 25 when you choose Economy Shipping at checkout!
• Enter your model number above to make sure this fits.
• PureStream function: concentrated water stream helps to relieve constipation.
• Warm water wash: adjustable strength with massage mode.
• Lady's wash: special nozzles providing gentle and thorough cleansing.
• Heated seat / Soft closing: adjustable temperature provides maximum comfort and seat cover comes down gently without noise.
• Self Cleaning Nozzle: nozzle made of anti-germ material with automatic jet cleansing before and after each use.
What next, "smart toilet paper"? Wouldn't you know I'm behind the curve on that one because there is on the market a toilet paper called "Smart Sense Bath Tissue," reportedly sold at Kmart. (NOTE: I realize there is a difference in a "smart toilet paper" that can do magical wonders for you versus a practical bath tissue that merely makes "smart sense" to buy.)
Growing up in the country, with no indoor toilet/tub/shower, my family and I had to do our business in an "outhouse": a crude structure made from rough lumber, approximately 5 feet wide, 7 feet tall, with a seat consisting of two cut-out, round holes for toilet seats. Toilet paper was either thick ply newspaper, or worse yet a corn cob...not the most trendy of scenes...or "seens," if you will.
Word up: Though I'm in favor of advancements in technology and personal comforts, I'm scared our country is on the verge of being flushed down the "toilet" because we are becoming too complacent with too much technology.
Blame this Lower 40 column on "The John Boy & Billy Big Show"!

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