By SAVANNAH CUNNICK
I guess that could be ONE good excuse for the lousy driving that goes on around here! Now, don't get grumpy....lousy drivers are not just here, but everywhere. Most of it could be prevented by the simplest things: such as PAYING ATTENTION, NO DISTRACTIONS, NO ALCOHOL, NO DRUGS, VEHICLE UPKEEP AND POSSIBLY A MAP!
Honestly, a slow rubber-necking casual Sunday drive is NOT appropriate at 25 miles an hour in a 55 zone. Especially on EVERY DAY, not just Sunday.
All that type of driving does is irritate the now 40 vehicles that are backed up behind you, because there is no passing (or supposed to be) on the curvy roadways all over the place. If one DOES chose to pass you...it's not always safe..an accident happens...and thus, something new to rubber neck.
The transporting of double wide trailors, farming tractors and tow trucks sometimes cannot help being in the way. Actually the other day, I got behind Lord-knows-what type of contraption that reminded me of a Star Wars or Mad Max creation that must have been 12 feet tall with an extremely high space from the pavement to the underbelly of the cab. My first thought was to just drive through the tunnel it created for me....my second thought was : do I know a good prayer to safely get me through this maneuver? Suddenly, I felt like Helen Keller driving a school bus. Another thing, if this doesn't turn out well....they always print your AGE under vehicle accidents...and that would ruin me for life!
Another big gripe is: PLEASE use your TURN SIGNALS!!! How many times have you folks had to put on the brakes in order to miss slamming into the person in front of you because ALL OF A SUDDEN there they are....not moving. Not only do your just purchased groceries now scattered all over the car, but the passengers (hopefully wearing seat belts) have now upchucked their recently consumed lunch! Just grab those inconsiderate drivers and put them all in a separate lane in which turn signals are blatantly ignored.
Missing your turn? Will you please STOP shooting across 5 lanes in order to make it. Most of the time, it happens when Birthday Billy's balloons are floating all over the car and blocking all vision. Or when the gabby driver who waves their arms while talking has no clue just where the heck he is.
Hands belong on the steering wheel, Buster! And, do you mind to not throw your cigarette butts out your window....especially the ones that bounce
off my windshield or fall into my windshield wiper well and continues to smoke. The distraction of flying litter tossed onto the highway is another awful
occurrence. Those plastic food bags are also dangerous....trust me...how many of those things do you think are responsible for jamming up something on your under carriage or engine. No joke!! Hey, one time a fella in front of me was driving a little volkswagon and he drode over a huge green garbage bag.
Ooops, NO BAG. Wait a minute....well, right in front of me that big ole garbage bag that clung to the rear fender of that little BUG blew up like a parachute behind him. What a surprise and shock that was! His turn came up and away he went off the freeway still attached to his new-found jet-propelled auto accessory!!! (Wonder how long it took for him to realize it was there?)
Then, there are the women who drive with their knees and elbows while putting on make-up! Sticking their head thru the sunroof has become a great alternative for a hair dryer. They think the CLUTCH is storage space for a small purse. Their incessant chatting on the cell phone and then texting is a bad combination for a sure-thing WRECK!!
Singing songs that require closing eyes on the good parts is also dangerous!!
And YOU MEN who shave while they are driving...oh, yeah...I've seen that!! And, rearview mirrors are not for checking nose hairs!! It's also not the time to put creamer in your coffee and above all: none of this....Y'All hold mah beer and watch this!!
Of course, children in the back seat cause accidents...but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children!
Ok, then there is the: Who has the rite-of-way when 4 cars approach a 4-way-stop at the same time? Around here, it's the pick-up with a gun rack and the bumper sticker saying: guns don't kill people, I do!!
Do you ever wonder: why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, when you can't drink and drive?
Uncle Festus recently saw a car dealer's sign that read: Get a new car for your spouse. He thought it would be a great trade! Due to the fact that Aunt Martha recently took her renewal driver license test. She got 8 out of 10. The other two guys jumped out of the way.
Well, Festus isn't any better: He thinks the cruise control is a snooze control and snores so loudly that it scares everyone in the car he is driving. ( Say What....!)
Cousin Clarence says that both Festus and Martha drive him crazy while traveling in his car. He says that Martha is the worst because she never stops talking. So, he designed a new seatbelt accessory that crosses over the mouth as well. (I ain't going there, Folks...)
Well, along with the dangling feet, arms, hands and antenna streamers, I am sure there are even more complaints and distractions that occur on the highway and cause many an accident. Oh, one more thing...why is there always just ONE SHOE laying in the road..? I remember when the comedian told the story about his mother who always stopped when she saw that ONE SHOE and made him get out of the car and pick it up. He asked her: Just what the heck are you going to do with just ONE SHOE? She said: Don't worry...there's another one somewhere else on the road ahead of us....!
Hey, why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Some folks were on some pretty nasty medications when they came up with that one!
Ok, on to the Short Mountain Trading Post news. We are open every Friday and Saturday. A huge Barn Sale is going on at this time. This includes furniture, wall décor, jewelry, trunks, books, records, glassware, cookware, antiques, tools, doors, clothes, purses, an antique pump organ, 9 foot-long church pew....you name it. Any questions call me at: 615-464-7824. C'mon in and check it out! Schedule a fun tour and buying trip with your womens' groups or family gathering. Then have lunch at the Distillery next door now being served from 12 noon to 4 o'clock on Thursday through Saturday. A new Dollar Room is now above the Christmas room in Savannah's Loft. There is to much to miss to stay away. See you soon!
Remember the Feed America First Organization in Woodbury every Saturday morning from 7:30 AM to 9:00 AM in parking lot by the baseball field. Food, clothing, shoes and housewares are distributed weekly to those who need help getting by. If you know of folks who could use some help, please send them our way!
It's time to sign off for now, my friends....but keep in mind how important it is to drive carefully...be safe...just that one little error while you are on the road could result in devastating tragedy. Take care of your family and pets, help your neighbors, give out those hugs, smile often and when the rain comes down...put on those dancin' shoes.