LOOK DOWN ..... IF YOU'RE WEARING DARK SOCKS AND SANDALS....WE'RE CLOSED !!!
By SAVANNAH CUNNICK
YEP.... You guessed it....this is a sign posted on a restaurant window. while it may be funny, let's stop and think just HOW MANY gosh-darned SIGNS really ARE out there! I mean, everywhere you look --- there is some sort of SIGN .
If you actually concentrate on reading each one as you drive down the road, you may get in an accident. In a way, SIGNS rule our lives and every move we make. Even when we escape the OUTSIDE world of signs, our down time is heavily monopolized by SIGNS and commercials on television and computers. But, then again, if all these SIGNS were to go away.....then what ? Face it....these are the SIGNS of the times and a very big part of our civilization and even survival.
Let's see....we have street signs, addresses, highway signs, billboards, traffic signs, school and hospital signs, restaurants, malls, stores, beauty shops, churches, gas stations, repair shops, realtor signs, campaign signs, help wanted, for sale signs, garage sales, vacation and attraction signs, construction signs, no littering, car dealerships, handicapped spots and so many more. There are even bumper stickers signs for you to read when stuck in traffic.
The DEAD END sign posted next to the cemetery is interesting. There are misspelled signs....sometimes humorous. The constant error of advertising Angus Beef without the G has been a well-known embarrassment for McDonald's, Burger King and Wendy's. When the sign letters fell off of the KFC, it read: Un__Eatable feast $14.99. Free straw with drink purchase.
Then, Popeyes advertised: Buffalo Nuggets are back. Wendy's boasted: Our secret ingredients are our people. Now hiring all shifts.
A local service station's sign : We guarantee fast service. No matter how long it takes.
Road signs can be a little quirky. One way; Good luck figuring it out which one. Another one: Accidents are prohibited on this road. A construction sign: Prepare to be annoyed. Then, 13 miles per hour...radar enforced. Drunken People Crossing. How about: Road Closed: You're excused
from work today. Uh....Next 22 miles - absolutely nothing. Ok...Caution: Falling Cows. OR Caution: water on road when raining. Remove dentures..speed bump ahead. Then...Hill Ahead - Go ahead you can make it.
A sign at local park: Please do not empty your dog here. Also, At this site in 1897...nothing happened. Garbage only..no trash.
In front of the hospital it reads: Are you wearing clean underwear ? A school sign: We know school traffic is boring: Slow Down.
Signs even exist in our homes. Uncle Festus's favorite SIGN hangs in his kitchen: Drink alcohol, because no great story started by someone eating a salad. In his living room he posted: You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning. (Oh, Festus...I do worry about you !)
Cousin Pete has this SIGN posted on his fence: Do not cross this pasture unless you can do it in 9 seconds. The bull can do it in 10.
The bloodmobile where Auntie Ann works posts: Give Blood - a billion mosquitos can't be wrong!
Cousin Clarence has come up with some good SIGNS in his restaurant. Such as: The Mexican food here is so authentic, Donald Trump could build a wall around it ! Another one: Our subs are an honest 8" long....even when it's cold outside. Also, Fat people are hard to kidnap. Be safe. Eat here.
Aunt Martha displays this sign on her refrigerator: Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.
Cousin Patsy's coffee shop posts: Congratulations! You made it out of bed! On her days closed, she sets this sign out: Out to lunch...if not out by 5, out to dinner also.
The butcher down the street says it like it is: All screaming obnoxious out-of-control children will be smoked and grounded up for sausage. Birthday suits tailored here....hangs in the weight loss studio next door.
So, as you see...the signs of the times continue to lead us, confuse us, amuse us and just plain drive us crazy!! So, do me a favor and merely count just how many signs encounter TODAY. You will see what I mean.
And, before I SIGN off on this subject, I just have to say something about a certain pet peeve I have regarding garage sale signs on the telephone poles all over town. For Pete sakes, if you can post them up, you can take them down...and I mean AT THE TIME the garage sale is over. Otherwise, you are confusing and irritating those folks who are looking for TODAY'S garage sales and finding out it was 10 weeks ago. Ya Got It?
Also, the missing dog signs are ok....the missing UNICORN sign is unforgivable. Missing a pet possum? Check the road. Like they say: Why does the chicken cross the road? To show the Possum it CAN be done. (Savannah, you are too corny !!)
HEY, hey, hey....things are busy at The Short Mountain Trading Post. We are open every Friday and Saturday from 11 to 5. Come out and visit us and enjoy our refurbished Barn full of crafts and collectibles. Prices are reasonable and inventory is huge!! Bring friends and family for a free tour of the Barn and take all the countryside photos you wish!!
Then stop at the Short Mountain Distillery for your moonshine purchases and eat lunch at the really neat restaurant next to it. Open Thursday thru Saturday from noon to 4 each day. So, C'mon out and enjoy a gorgeous country ride and visit us soon !!
Signing off for now....please take care of yourselves and your family. Be a good friend to your neighbors. Hand out those hugs. Smile always. Drive carefully. Buckle up. Enjoy your summer and spend some extra time with your children and pets. Chat with you next week