By LARRY WOODY
Every time I question the theory of Global Warming I get emails from folks hot under the collar saying nasty things -- like they hope my penguin melts.
However, none them can explain why they suddenly changed the alarm from "Global Warming" to "Climate Change."
Could it have something to do with the fact that during the last couple of years most of the globe has gotten, well, colder?
Where was all that Global Warming last winter when my water pipes froze solid for the first time in 40 years?
And if, as they claim, we're causing Global Warming and dooming the planet by spewing carbon emissions into the air, why do THEY keep spewing?
How come they don't park THEIR cars?
Why don't they turn off THEIR electricity?
I find it interesting that some of the biggest Global Warming hustlers are also some of the biggest polluters. Surely we can appreciate the irony of someone flying around in fuel-guzzling private jets to lecture the rest of us about why we should be riding bikes to work.
All of this came to mind one day last week when USA Today ran yet another rant about the growing menace of Global Warming. (I refuse to call it "Climate Change." Since they insist the globe is warming, they shouldn't be allowed to weasel out of the term, even if they're freezing.)
The same day that the paper ran its doomsday story about how the world is about to boil over, the TV evening news reported a record-breaking freeze was bearing down on much of the nation. Dangerous freeze warnings were issued in several states, and in Montana the temperature plunged to 41 below. So explain to me again how the globe is warming?
And that wasn't the first blast -- in October we experienced record-breaking low temperatures and record-breaking snowfall in many parts of the country, and now we're being warned to brace for some of the coldest weather in recorded history.
So which is it? Are we going to melt and sizzle like the Global Warmers claim, or are we going to shiver and freeze? Who are we supposed to believe, them or our frozen toes?
Pardon me if my cynicism is turning blue, but most weathermen don't have a particularly good batting average. If they say it's going to be bright and sunny, better carry an umbrella.
Sometimes they don't know their Dopplers from a hole in the ground.
If they can't predict if it's going to rain tomorrow, how can they predict what the temperature will be 100 years from now?
One other question for the Global Warmers: What became of the giant glaciers that once spanned much of the continent? Were they melted by SUV-driving cavemen and prehistoric soccer moms?
Now THERE is an inconvenient truth.
To be serious for a moment: There is no denying that the planet faces serious ecological challenges. Global pollution and strained natural resources, both caused by over-population, could eventually doom us.
If the earth was indeed formed by a Big Bang, it might end with a Baby Boom.
That's where the save-the-planet focus should be -- birth control, not thermostat control.
Now pardon me while I go thaw out my penguin.