By LARRY WOODY
Today I'd like to engage in a candid discussion about an issue that confronts the nation and, frankly, I'm disappointed the President continues to dodge it.
More specifically, women's hair armpits!
A recent story on a major national news outlet claimed such "natural growth" is becoming increasingly chic.
Let's have a show of hands: how many of you ladies out there have hairy armpits? (On second thought, lower your hands. We'll take your word for it.)
Let me say right up front I personally have nothing against female armpits, hairy or otherwise. In fact, I think "Hootie and the Hairy Armpits" would make a great name for a rock band.
There's certainly nothing amiss if a miss elects not to trim her underarms. Eleanor Roosevelt, for example, had notoriously hairy armpits. (To be honest, I tried Googling "Eleanor Roosevelt's armpits" and didn't come up with anything. So I'm just guessing.)
I did, however, turn up some interesting factoids about female armpits and how they've evolved over the eons. Up to about a century ago, hairy female armpits went mainly undetected because proper ladies kept a lid on their body parts from ankle to chin.
Frankly, we have NO IDEA what they may have been growing under there.
Then there came the advent of sleeveless dresses. Next thing we knew, women were smoking and raising their arms in public.
Flappers became reluctant to dance the "Muskrat Ramble" with tarantulas under their arms. Armpit hair became a fashion issue.
And the hair war wasn't waged just on armpits. Every woman in America except my 83-year-old grandmother and Gloria Steinem shaved their legs and waxed their bikini lines. Like hairy armpits, bristly legs on women were considered "unattractive" by most social conventions (i.e., guys).
Or least that used to be the case. Today "unwanted hair" is making a comeback. Suddenly it's wanted. And it's not just about under-arm hair; it's a statement about "direct-action feminism."
That's the term used by trendy hairdresser Roxie Hunt, who went on to declare:
"By having hairy armpits I am expressing my right to make my own choices about my own body."
I'm with Roxie. If you want hairy armpits, you go girl. Power to the pits!
Some in-the-trend women are so proud of their armpit hair that they're dying it bright hues.
Gladys: "I just LOVE what you've done with your armpit hair!"
Phyllis: "Oh, thanks. Purple has always been my favorite color."
Do girls with blonde armpit hair have more fun?
Would an aging socialite be tempted to add a tint of color to her armpit hair? (Is it real, or is it Clairol?)
My position is simple: Body hair, wherever is found, belongs to the individual and it is up to that person what to do with it -- shave it, braid it or let it grow wild and blow in the wind.
We shouldn't be poking our nose in other people's armpits.