Things NOT to say upon loss of a loved one
Tuesday, April 7, 2015 11:22 am
By Rick Whitter
1. Get over it. It's time to move on and get your life back to normal.
2. Don't worry, God will give you another child to replace the one you lost. You could always adopt.
3. If you had possessed more faith, God would have healed your child.
4. There must have been hidden sin in your life.
5. I know what you're feeling; I lost my grandma, or my cousin, or my dog.
6. God must have been sparing your child from something worse to come later in life.
7. God took your child in order to make you a more compassionate person.
8. You should have prayed harder.
9. You should have taken your child to a miracle healer.
The reason that all of the above are inappropriate to say to a grieving person is, they are untrue and hurtful. Any attempt to minimize the pain, explain the reason for the loss or make the person feel better is out of place and unappreciated. My experience is, most people who want to fix my pain are trying to play God. They want to understand it all and explain it away. This is ludicrous. These efforts usually resulted in more pain.
When I was standing at the casket of my daughter, a causal acquaintance came up, patted me on the shoulder and handed me a small scrap of paper. On it were the words, Deuteronomy 29:29. This is a Biblical reference that says, "The secret things belong to the Lord." Those words spoke volumes to me. This was one of those things that only God understood. I am OK with that.