By SAVANNAH CUNNICK
Time to come out of the closet. No, not Ellen DeGeneres, I am talking about ALL those CLOTHES in YOUR closet !
Just waiting to trap and trip you up...wrapping you in fabric, leather, plastic and tangling you in hangers scattered all over the floor, I have actually been grabbed by the throat with a jacket that was not successfully tucked into the rest of the madness of a haunting wardrobe.
Oh Mom, I think we have a situation ( and Clorox has nothing to do with it !) I know this is a touchy subject, Girls...but our closets are never going to be big enough for all our clothes hoarding.
Can't throw anything out? Trust me, I understand. I still have a t-shirt and sweatshirt from college days. Are you a size 16 now, but still believe that those size 6 thru 10 will still somehow fit you some day? Time to toss...or you will never be able to find the clothes in there that DO fit you !
As styles change...are you tempted to purchase all the new looks? (So tell me...just where do you have room for those NEW clothes?) Has your lifestyle changed? Are you Retired? Watching the grandchildren now? So, just how many DRESSES do you still need ? Keep the slacks and blouses
and toss...toss,,toss !!
JD says to me: Oh, I see you have finally cleaned out your closet ! But, tell me what's with the 10 plastic tubs that just showed up in the garage? He told me that from now on I have to go by the five-second-rule: It Hits the Floor ...if not picked up in five seconds...it's in the trash !!
Dream on, JD, Going, going, going, going......NOT ! Instead, I suggest that YOU clear out some of your closet !! Your mother is coming to visit and she has to have a place to hang upside down and sleep.
Aunt Martha did fall backwards into her walk-in closet during the time she was on crutches. Having totally disappeared, Festus had a dickens of
a time trying to find out just where she went !! He kept yelling; Where are you, Martha? She kept yelling: I'm HERE. Where is HERE? Any of this sound familiar? It's like: Have you seen my glasses? No,well where is the last place you put them? Never mind...
Aunt Joy always gets tangled up in her hangers and the bubble wrap that she stores in her closet. One day, Uncle Marvin kept hearing: Snap..Crackle and Pop somewhere in the bedroom...got hungry..and fixed himself a bowl of Rice Krispies out in the kitchen. Aunt Joy recently looked
up STUPID in the dictionary...and yep...she spelled HIS NAME right !!
I got lost in MY closet the other day and finally found daylight only to see my three cats lined up saying: You really had us worried about who's going to feed us now? (Is that ALL they think about?)
The last straw was when Aunt Sara knocked over a hatbox full of wiglets....screamed and grabbed her heart thinking that she had just found a nest of rats ! A messy closet is like going to a flea market...dig, search and find (maybe...).
Hey, I've got a great idea...buy less clothes and with the money we have saved we can build a whole new extension on the house....you know, one of those California Paris Hilton type of closet !! Oh, to die for !!
Let's turn the page for a minute. What you wear is like a celebration of WHO YOU ARE. You may like casual over fancy..vintage over modern. The message is: what YOU wear is YOUR CALL. Stop basing YOUR VALUE by thinking you have to wear name brand clothing....and keep up with the uppity gals who live to impress people with all the name brands and outside labels ! So many labels...I am surprised that they still know their OWN names ! That's messed up!
Don't devalue yourself by trying to keep up with them. Don't internalize all that pressure...for what? Wear what you like....what you are comfortable in...something that suits YOU and YOUR lifestyle. And if you like to shop Goodwill or garage sales for those unique clothes at fantastic prices...DO IT! Only YOU know what's Gucci or Goodwill....Calvin Klein or Fruit of the Loom.
But above ALL...your TRUE VALUE is what's INSIDE. Be happy with who YOU are. You're NOT a copy...You're NOT a knock-off. YOU ARE YOU!! Just decorate your OUTSIDE to reflect the happy, secure person you truly are INSIDE !
BUT most important...if ALL this is going to happen...YOU STILL NEED TO CLEAN OUT YOUR CLOSET and only keep the GOOD stuff !!
So, let's call it a wrap for this week and we shall CHAT again next week. Take best of care, drive safely, love your family and friends and take great care of your pets