It's time to stop all that blubbering
Tuesday, October 6, 2015 11:25 am By LARRY WOODY A team of social researchers, after years of study, recently issued a report that says it's OK to cry. The team reached its conclusion when its big fat federal research grant was canceled. I've always thought it was OK to cry under certain circumstances: The biggest bass you ever hooked broke your line when numb-skull fishing buddy Virgil tripped over the landing net, fell out of the boat and you never saw him again (the bass, dangit, not Virgil.) Your favorite football team fumbled on the goal line just as it was about to drive in and cover the point spread and now you're hiding out from your bookie. And you can't play another round, because you're already late for Aunt Mildred's funeral. It's understandable why things like that would make Charles Bronson blubber like a baby. Nevertheless, however, it seems to me nowadays we're overdoing it the water-works. For example, I saw a TV news anchor tear up awhile back when he was reporting on the demise of Cecil the Lion. Not long afterwards, Cecil's cousin Clyde got some payback by ambushing a safari guide and using him as a chew-toy. I immediately turned over the weepy anchorman's channel to see if he was shedding any tears for the guide. Nope. He was dry-eyed and reporting on a fascinating story about a pig with a prosthetic leg. It was a classic case of a reporter reading between the lions. There are two main types of crying: emotional weeping (like when someone whacks Cecil) and painful weeping (like when Cecil whacks you.) Gork miraculously survives, and a few weeks later after he gets out of the hospital he looks up his former hunting buddy. Let's just say it was a tearful reunion. Sometime we're so amused that we cry tears of laughter. Hearing a politician promise not to raise taxes is one example. In the old days there were professional criers -- ladies who were paid to show up at wakes dressed in mourning clothes and wailing over old what's-his-name. Nowadays we still have professional criers. They are known as NBA basketball players. But a lot of folks in this touchy-feeling society unplug their tear ducts at the drop of a hanky. Sometimes you want to yell, "Oh, for crying out loud, stop crying!" I probably shouldn't bring up the subject of weeping to my fishing buddy, who's going through a tearful time right now.
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